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Texts From Your Dog
Fri 11th Apr
If animals could text the world would be a much different place. Well, not really, it'd be pretty much exactly the same except you'd need to pay for your pet's phonebills as well as your own. F#ck that.
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Am I the only one who's first reaction to someone drowning is to lol?
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It's great to include your children in your healthy outdoor pursuits, being at one with the wilderness and traversing large rock formations. However, it's best not to play some 'throw & catch' with junior in these conditions - WTF!?!
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It's a wild snorlax and I think it may be trying to eat him, get that man a strong pint of espresso and a flamethrower. Everyone else stand back, any sudden movement could excite it & then everyone in the room'll be in trouble.
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Wait, you mean that this milk I'm drinking hasn't been freshly squeezed from a feline teat? That's disgusting! I demand to see your store's returns policy!
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OMG-omg-omg! How the hell do these things grow so frikking big and how far do i live from the nearest one? Something tells me that being afraid of a tiny cockroach is not a good thing. Sh#t just got real.
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I’m a man of science, and I like irrefutable numbers. Next time I’m in a discussion with a man holding God’s book, I’ll point him in the direction of this damning graph. Shame on you, Lord!
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Given how much I love beer, it would be heartwarming to know that beer loved me back, even if that love was expressed through the medium of froth.
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I like Havoc a lot better than I like Chaos, but I'd still like to play Havoc with Chaos. This is the kind of fancy dress i can appreciate if you know what i mean.....
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Just like there is no need to hide the fact that you are gay, who needs to be modest about playing some of the biggest roles in film history?
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Sometimes feels like you're arguing with a dictator. Agree or no one is having any seXX0r!
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Comments: 6