Texts From Your Dog

If animals could text the world would be a much different place. Well, not really, it'd be pretty much exactly the same except you'd need to pay for your pet's phonebills as well as your own. F#ck that.

If not for your safety, do it for the animals'..

Now, really.. Who is going to pick this guy up?

The longer you stare at him, the happier he looks. There's no way I could be as happy as this little guy without taking an obscene and frankly dangerous quantity of illegal narcotics.

You ever seen Vin Diesel in The Fast & The Furious film saga, well, thats me, thats exactly how i drive, i live to drive fast, nothing can catch me i'm.... WAIT .... Is that a cop car over there. Damn, better slow down!

All you need to complete the illusion is go around telling people how incredibly rich and talented you are without pausing to take breath until they shoot you.

Aww man, not another battle, how about we make love and not was and combining the two films, there's no way that can be bad, is there? Aww man, not another battle, how about we make love and.....WAIT!?!

Thankfully telephone ordering has only been about for a few of the 1000's years he's been alive, but rules are rules: You can't be a jedi knight if you can't order a pizza. it's the law.

When the other half's got the painters & decorators in, what do you do if she fancies a bit of making the beast with two backs? Well if you're Jack Nicholson in The Shining, a deranged killer, even you might not be able to handle it.

They're almost exactly the same, except different! What does Jobs have against poor Flash anyway?

We evolved from fish and here we see how similar we are. They like to take women's tops off and so do we. I have a new found respect for our distant marine relatives, we're all aiming for a common goal.