How to Metal: DEATH METAL Lesson

This lesson will help you explode cantaloupes and summon angry unicorns in no time! After you’ve accomplished these, the next thing to master is complaining about how everything’s not death metal.

Well, if you’re onto lame-assed pop music that sounds like it’s been shat out of a contestant on X-Factor, then this little medley should have you jizzing in your pants. If you are gonna punish yourself with crap-pop, then go for this.

Are all your friends having kids? Does it make you feel anxious and you wish they’d all just fuck off? Don’t stress too much because help is at hand, with this brand new idea of not having kids!

It might not look all that safe, and you might get dinked in the back by a massive metal road sign, but who cares? YOLOLOLOL. When you're creating your own quarter mile long home-made water slide, safety is of little concern.

This is simply the most awesome children's TV show ever created. Not only is it rude but it's educational too. It'll probably never see the light of day though as it's clearly a ripoff of Thomas The Tank Engine...

Listen, driving a huge diesel truck if you're just a marketer might not be a smart decision. But driving your Prius with the windows down? Look what it does to your hair!

If you've seen Dan Balan's music video for Chica Boom, you were probably just as conflicted as the rest of us. It has lovely ladies but also a blown out hair sporting douchebag. This version just has the former. Thanks, internet!

How you end up naked with chocolate all over someone else's kitchen is beyond me..LOL

It’s a much more listenable and enjoyable One Direction than you’re used to. Zayn sings Story of My Life like he’s swallowed a Fraggle, Harry’s become tone death, and the rest sound like cartoon characters.

The sun is shining, it's toasty warm out and your bikini is two sizes too small. TIME FOR A BIKE RIDE! She's gonna jump on her huffy, go for a ride and have her pervy friend film the whole thing, zooming in on the best bits.

Ok, so you have a very special talent and we all know chicks are impressed by a man's skillz - But SERIOUSLY! - If you could produce a fart that sounded like a chainsaw would you be considered a catch - FAIL!!!