Hairy Martinis

God i love a good 'cocktail', the preparation in mixing the different liquids, the right amount of ice, the pouring of the finished liquid into the right glass......*WAIT!?

There comes a time when you just need to wind people up, when the only thing that's going to work for you is a little bit of trolling. And for those times, you need to practice your trollface.

Do you think the time that the president decided to announce they'd killed Osama was intentional? Not because of the proximity to the mission but because he could get one over on Donald Trump.

Try and not read this in the voice of Sean Connery and you win. Not sure what, but you win because when you read what it says, you're totally going to read it in Shan Connery's vhoicsh.

If you haven't been paying attention up until now and need this summarised in a single sentence: Cats are douchebags. Adorable, fluffy only-eating-the-middle-of-their-food douchebags.

Well, what else has this queen of tubby got to obsess over. Oh yeah, that's right, the buckets of chicken she devours like a lard hungry grease-vampire. At least Edward could feed on her for months!

Wait, you mean that this milk I'm drinking hasn't been freshly squeezed from a feline teat? That's disgusting! I demand to see your store's returns policy!

Now, tell me.. was it REALLY necessary for there to be THAT many??

Only the coolest damn cookie to ever grace your oven! Watch out pirate muffins, these guys mean business!

Hey, if I was a bird I'd totally hitch a ride. Maybe not on a big predatory looking bastard like this, I don't wanna end up as his dinner. Still, pretty dope tho.

When it comes to badly shooping yourself onto the head of a stranger so it looks like you're totally dating a totally hot babe, make sure she's not a Z list celebrity. Make sure she's A list. Aim high.